


Holding Back

by Jadeylovesmarvel



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-29
Updated: 2020-01-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:08:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22459258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jadeylovesmarvel/pseuds/Jadeylovesmarvel
Summary: Y/N and Bucky are strictly in a friends with benefits relationship. Feelings get involved and Y/N ends up heartbroken when Bucky says he doesn't feel the same way but is that really how he truly feels?
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader
Comments: 1
Kudos: 47





	1. Rejection

**Author's Note:**

> What can I say, I'm a sucker for angsty but fluffy stories or angst with happy ending stories. I also particularly like writing these short stories right now. This will have two chapters, maybe three? I'll see how it goes and it will be updated quickly. Once again this is kind of a cliche story but I've enjoyed writing it.

Overwhelming feelings of pleasure wash over me as Bucky and I reach the peak of our orgasms entwined together on my bed. After a few moments as we lay together in a blissful state, reality finally sets in and I watch Bucky waiting for the moment he decides to leave. He always leaves. This relationship, (If you can even call it that) is purely just physical. Well for Bucky it is, for me, this has become so much more. 

We began this relationship a few months ago and the agreement was quite simple. Just sex, no feelings, just fun and pleasure. I was an idiot for thinking that this could ever work, I've been a hopeless romantic all of my life and very quickly into this agreement I started falling for Bucky. I naively thought that maybe, just maybe Bucky would fall for me too but that hope is starting to wane.

He smiles gaze meeting mine and he gently tugs me to him for a searing kiss before getting up and pulling on his clothes, I desperately want him to stay but I know he won't.  
"That was an amazing night doll, as always. I'll see you tomorrow yeah?". I nod faking a smile as he leaves and lay back on my bed anxiety piling on at all of these feelings inside of me, surely it won't be long before they just flow out and then what? 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Buck," I giggle as he kisses my neck trying my hardest to act professionally as Steve is in one of his all work and no play moods and I doubt he would appreciate seeing us like this. The mission that we just came back from was hard particularly on Bucky and Steve so I understand why Steve is so tense and why Bucky just wants to let off some steam. He grins and moves to kiss down my body hiking the fabric of my long skirt up. I tingle in anticipation of what he's about to do. God, he's so talented with his tongue."Someone could catch us" I squeal, we are literally just in the corridors to our rooms, he smirks and continues teasing me.

I'm so lost in the thrill of what he's doing, of the way I feel about him that I speak without thinking about the consequences of what I'm about to say.  
"I love you." It just blurts out and I freeze exactly at the same time he does and he looks up staring at me with fear in his eyes.

"What did you just say doll?". Shit, I swallow not knowing what to say to get out of this. Everythings changed now. The silence ticks on and on and I finally get the nerve to speak.

"You heard what I said", feeling brave I decide to go for it and if he feels the same then I'll be on cloud nine but if not... " I love you, I've felt this way for a while and I hope you feel the same." The silence is deafening and I begin to lose hope.

"Y/N, doll I..." He softens catching my hopeful gaze and looks away."I don't I'm sorry, this is just sex it's what we always agreed." I expected this but it doesn't stop the tears from falling as his words sink in, he steps towards me looking agonized but I step back."Y/N, please I care about you, you're one of my best friends. I want to be with you I just."

I cut him off shaking my head, what exactly is he saying he wants to be together while I'm clearly in love with him and he doesn't feel the same way back? You can't force feelings, I know that but realistically I wouldn't be able to hide mine from him and I don't think I can go back to just sex again. 

"I guess that's that then," I reply feeling numb, he pauses waiting for me to say more and I take a deep breath and clarify what I mean." I can't do this anymore Bucky just sex, I can't I'm sorry, I thought I could but I...I want to be with someone who loves me back, I should have never agreed to this." He nods, and I feel even more devastated he doesn't seem to care that this is over when It feels like my hearts being ripped out of my chest.

"If that's what you want?" He says to me, something in his tone makes me look up at him but when I do his Pokerface is on and I have no idea what he's thinking or if I just imagined that break in his voice. Heartbroken I give a brief nod and he stalks off then leaving me with an ache in my chest that I'm not sure will heal.

X x.x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x 

Nat finds me in my room later on that night she is the only one except maybe Steve and Wanda who guessed about the relationship between Bucky and me. She takes one look at my tears and growls out menacingly. "Barnes, I swear that man is a dumbass." I half-smile and reply quietly.  
"He isn't, I'm the dumb one for thinking that what Bucky and I had was special, it never was, it was just sex. I knew what I was getting into Nat and I shouldn't have agreed to it, it was doomed from the start". She says nothing else but just holds me as I cry out the pain shaking. 

"Steve is trying to talk to him but he won't come out of his room, he's snappish even with Steve honey. Why would he be acting like this if you meant nothing to him?". I sniff wiping my eyes and don't bite at what she is trying to say.

"Nat, he made it perfectly clear he didn't feel the same. Why would he lie?. He meant it, I hate this, this pain, it's agony and I just want it to stop." She quietens again and just continues to hold me whispering words of comfort.


	2. The truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky finally reveals the truth about how he feels

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really enjoying writing these short stories at the moment :) However, I am wanting to completely redo Saving his Soul as it's just not flowing the way I want so, I may have to rework and repost the chapters to it until I feel like it's written to the best of my abilities. Anyway, here is Chapter two 🙂

The next few days are awkward, to say the least. When Bucky and I are in the same room it's just like an Almighty ball of tension. I feel like shit for even saying anything in the first place and struggle to remain upbeat, I dread the day that I'll see Bucky with someone else, but it's inevitable at some point, isn't it? and the thought crushes my already hurting heart. He's so gorgeous, beautiful inside and out. Who wouldn't want him?

To top off my already emotional state, it's my usual training day with Bucky but for peace and some ease to my racing mind, I train with Nat instead. Joining us on our training session is one of Tony's business associates called Gavin. He's been around here before and while he's nice, he does have the tendency to be overly flirty with the girls and me.

The tension in the air doesn't ease despite Tony's usual musings and hilarious quips. Gavin having received just simple chit chat from Nat and Wanda turns to me.

"Well hello lovely, it's great to see you again,". I smile politely and make my way around him hoping he just gets bored of flirting." Shy I see? How sweet, have you found yourself a boyfriend yet darling?". I stutter and chance a glance at Bucky who's determinedly not looking in my direction but looks extremely tense.

"Well... I." He cuts me off and smiles in an enticing way or so he seems to think it is.  
"What is that lovely? You are very beautiful, you know. So I was wondering if..." There's a loud bang and I notice Bucky's punching bag is laying a few feet from him and he's breathing heavily, gaze dark and furious, focused on Gavin. Shit, he's going into soldier mode, it doesn't happen too often but if something particularly pisses him he can get really aggravated.

Ignoring Gavin I approach Bucky slowly, very, very carefully and when I reach him I place my hand on his chest in a soothing manner. He looks at me eyes still hooded and intense but ever so slightly he starts to soften.

"Man, what kind of freak show is this?" I hear Gavin bark out and I turn around irritated. "Tony what kind of team are you running here with this beast on the loose" Beast... Something inside me snaps especially when I see Buckys hurt look.

"Shut up Gavin you have no idea what you're talking about." He lets out a disbelieving laugh and looks at me annoyed.

"Are you for real? He's a monster..." I glare I hate it, I hate when people, Judgemental people, think Bucky is unworthy or if he maybe has an off day that he's just still the Soldat, incapable of feelings. Yes, I know he got a bit angry there and yes he did break my heart but he's still my best friend at the end of the day and I don't want some asshole making him doubt himself and how far he's come.

"He is not a monster" I shout losing patience, "he had a moment that's all, we all do. How dare you judge him? you don't know him. You don't see how good he is and how kind he is, how far he's coming along in dealing with his past, That he works every day to right the wrongs of his past and to do good in the world." I stop chest heaving, the room is quiet until Tony clears his throat.

"Right, you're done here man come on', he escorts Gavin out and Nat and Wanda gesture for Sam, Steve and Thor to head out with them giving me an encouraging smile. Tony comes back in and I blush.  
"I'm sorry Tony, that was out of line, I shouldn't have yelled at him," I say softly. He shrugs giving me a quick hug.

"Don't worry about it honey, I'll give you and Barnes some time to chat." He heads out and I turn to Bucky who is gazing at me with a shy look on his face.

"Did you mean all of that doll?." I nod, I meant every word of it, he smiles then swallows hard and runs his hand through his hair. "I've been wanting to talk to you for days, to explain." Oh God, I can't hear those words again, I can't hear why he doesn't feel the same.

"Bucky it's okay." He shakes his head and walks toward me gently cupping my cheeks. Wait... why is he doing this?  
"No, it isn't. I've been sitting for days wrestling with myself in just saying how I really feel. You asked me if I loved you and I said no. That's a lie, I do love you, Y/N I love you so much. I didn't think I deserved your love, It was better to break your heart so you have a chance to be with someone less... damaged, but the thought of you with anyone else killed me, I don't want anyone else, all I want is you. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry that I lied, I'll do anything, anything to make it up to you doll".

I listen to his words and my heart begins to heal but I do feel annoyed he lied, I get his points but he knows how much I adore him and would never think of him as unworthy of love.

"Oh, Buck, I adore you and you're so deserving of love. I am mad that you lied, but I do understand why you were so conflicted but you shouldn't be. I love you, Buck, You have my heart. I love you and you can bet your ass that I want lots of kisses and cuddles to make up for all of this pain, ". He obliges and I slowly begin to relax my tense body. "Tell me you love me again?" He chuckles and repeats himself

"I love you Y/N" his lips meet mines once again and I melt into him so relieved everything has worked out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't post or copy any of my work without my permission. Thanks 🙂

**Author's Note:**

> Please do not copy or post my work elsewhere without my permission to do so. Thanks 🙂


End file.
